Life, Death, and Connection

Two events converged this week that motivated this week's blog post. Early in the week, I found out that a friend of mine, who I know through acting class, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly due to complications from pneumonia. He was only 39, so his death was quite a shock. Adding to the shock was the fact that I ran into him completely by chance about 2 weeks before he died; he seemed perfectly healthy, and we had a pleasant conversation. The second event was my annual observation later in the week of the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur, a day that is set aside for contemplation of sin, life, death, repentance, and renewal. A recurrent trope of Yom Kippur is the idea that no one knows what the new year will bring - success or failure, sickness or health, elation or despair, life or death. Andy's passing seemed to bring the fickle and unpredictable nature of life into sharp relief.

One point the Rabbi made in this year's sermon stuck in my mind as I tried to make sense of the idea that a friend I knew tangentially could so suddenly just be ... gone. He talked of his view that the Torah in one place speaks of God as a "makom ha-kodesh", literally a holy place. This is the idea that God exists not as a person or thing, but as a place, a place where people come together in community, any place where two souls meet each other and connect with each other. For the Rabbi, that human connection in some sense IS God. It's certainly what many of us are looking for when we seek a sense of God. I thought of the last conversation I had with Andy. We recognized each other, shook hands, talked about what we'd both been doing, commiserated about the ups and downs of acting. He offered me a free soda (he was working on a food truck) but I said no, I wanted him and his business to have the money. We smiled at each other, we connected as friends. I don't know what I would have said differently if I had known this was going to be my last conversation with him, but I feel comforted by the fact that we both connected with each other as people, that we showed we cared about each other.

I think part of the reason I pursue acting at all is to feel that unique and special connection with others, with the actors in the room I am working with, and with the audience. I can't really speak to the idea that this feeling of connection to others is God, but I do know it is valuable and gives my life meaning. Another thing the Rabbi spoke of was this idea that, since no one knows how much time on earth we have left, we should all strive to live our lives with meaning. I believe Andy's life had meaning through his acting, his friends, his family and his work, and that there was meaning in my last interaction with him. I strive to create meaning in my own life through my acting, my social justice work, and my interactions with family and friends, and I hope everyone reading this blog does the same. In this new (Jewish) year, I hope to create more and deeper connections with everyone I interact with, since, as was painfully driven home, you never really know what will happen next.

L'shana Tovah - best wishes to all for a happy, healthy, successful, meaningful, and connected year